Miss(ed) Manners

February 16, 2007

CSI: Miami Drinking Game Update

Filed under: CSI,CSI: Miami — missedmanners @ 12:50 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcD0Mmyp3f4

Hahahahaha.

This clip has been bouncing around on Youtube for a while now, but watching it really helps explain some of the Horatio rules from my original post on the topic: The CSI: Miami Drinking Game

I can’t stop laughing when I watch this. If you can’t stand seeing the whole thing, just forward it to the last minute and see the Brazil episode intro. If you’d been playing the game when that shit went down, you’d be dead.

Rule #257 clearly states that if at anytime Horatio Caine puts on his sunglasses which then shows the reflection of a plane in flight and he says, “We’re going to (motherfucking) Brazil (bitches),” (You have to say the words in the parentheses) which then leads into a massive aerial circling shot around him now transported to motherfucking BRAZIL, where he’s standing and then KNEELING in front of that giant Christ type statue thing they got down there….

*pant* *pant*

… if all that happens… oh merciful Jesus… you’ve got to go out, find a case of Jaeger and drink until you DIE.

That’s how crazy that Brazil intro is.

When my roommate and I saw that when it first aired, I punched him in his bald head and ran a lap around the block to keep myself from exploding from the massive amount of contact-awesome.

January 24, 2007

The CSI: Miami Drinking Game

Filed under: CSI,Drinking,Drinking Games,Silly — missedmanners @ 1:38 pm

Okay, so on Monday I mentioned my roommate’s and my abusive love for the show, CSI:Miami. The show is amazing. It takes every unbelievable, laughable aspect of the original CSI and puts it in a thong bikini. The show’s become so ridiculously predictable that we jokingly made up a drinking game based on the things you WILL see every episode.

The first of these refer to the main character, Lieutenant Horatio Caine, played by David Caruso.

Check him out:

23m.jpg

This image is misleading because that motherfucker is always wearing sunglasses, because, in case you forgot, it’s fucking crazy bright in Miami. Here are some of the rules pertaining to him:

If at any time someone actually says David Caruso’s character’s full, ridiculous name (Horatio Caine): 1 Drink

David Caruso removes his sun glasses to emphasize a point: 1 Drink

NEW! David Caruso puts ON his sun glasses to emphasize a point: 1 Drink

The emphasized point is the lead in quote to the theme song: Drink half of your drink

Says another characters name as though it were a question (Alexx……?): 1 Drink

Caine utters some Confucian wisdom, for example, “Tomorrow is what you make of it,” or “Sometimes when you have everything it feels like nothing at all.”: 1 Drink… 5 if you don’t crack up laughing.

If Caine sticks up for an abused woman by physically threatening the man doing the beating thereby showing that violence is not the answer: 3 Drinks

Anytime Caine intentionally keeps his staff in the dark regarding key knowledge of a case to keep their objectivity intact: 1 Drink for every character fooled, 5 Drinks for every character that figures it out, 1 Whole Beer if it was something incredibly contrived like a Norwegian mouse hair or some bullshit like that.

You see a shot of Caine in his pimped out hummer: 1 Drink

You see a shot of Caine jumping out of his hummer, gun in hand: +3 Drinks

Now some minor characters:

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Emily Procter a.k.a “Calleigh Duquesne”

Calleigh is a southern girl, and don’t you forget it. She’s also an incredibly gifted CSI, you can tell this because she’s wicked hot. Her rules:

Anytime Calleigh brutally overpowers a much larger man because she knows CSI Brand Jui Jitsu: 2 Drinks

If the beating was administered because the villain made light of the fact that Calleigh has a vagina: +1 Drink

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Adam Rodridguez a.k.a “Eric Delko”

Eric is hot under the collar and came from a rough background, he may or may not like smoking the weed.

Anytime Eric gets hot under the collar: 1 Drink

Anytime you are reminded that Eric is from a rough background: 1 Drink

If he actually smokes weed: Sit back and watch CBS implode under the weight of a nation’s misplaced disdain.

68m.jpg

Khandi Alexander a.k.a. “Dr. Alexx Woods”

Alexx is the resident mortician/autopsy lady. She’s got this whole queen of the dead type thing going on that routinely makes my naughty bits tingle. Her rules:

If she says the word(s):

“Mortis”: 1 Drink

“Rigor”: 1 Drink

“Time of Death”: 1 Drink

“Shoe leather”: 2 Drinks

“Door nail”: 3 Drinks

“Disco”: 4 Drinks

“David Caruso’s Film Career”: 8 Drinks, reenact the pussy eating scene from Jade with a throw pillow.

If at any time Dr. Alexx speaks to a corpse and expresses regret over his/her death showing that despite handling thousands of corpses daily, she is in no way jaded: 2 Drinks

Rules for Scenes Inside the CSI Mega Lab Complex

Most of the show takes place in here when H isn’t out tracking down bikini bandits or something. If you’ve ever been in a real forensics lab checking semen samples (like ya do), then you know that they’re actually fluorescent lit, horribly uncomfortable places. Not the CSI: Miami lab, hell no. Their headquarters was designed by robot versions of the guys from Queer Eye. Here’s a list of rules for their absolutely idiotic take on forensic research.

Any time you see a custom user interface for a computer program the techs are running: 1 Drink

Any time you see a futuristic font used in said interface: +1 Drink

If that user interface is projected gratuitously on a wall behind the characters: 2 Drinks

If a character uses a computer to magically enhance a blurry image far beyond what is possible: 4 Drinks

Example: cannot equal this: This

Computer generated zoom in to watch a wound unfold on a person in a manner that is in no way gross, nope, not at all: 1 Drink

Same computer generated zoom in done in slightly different manner to reflect new evidence in a way that’s not cliche, nope, not at all: +1 Drink

Black light used as background light, not for semen search: 2 Drinks

Semen search black light: 1 Drink (the point is to get drunk)

Different colored light used for some kind of alien semen search or something: 2 Drinks

Final Rule:

If the body count of the entire show ends up being 1 or less: Drink entire beer, change channel, you may have been watching the Golden Girls. Not your fault, it’s easy to mix up Caruso and Rue McClanahan.

January 22, 2007

Drinking Games

Filed under: CSI,Drinking,Life,State of My Onion — missedmanners @ 6:11 pm

I know the title isn’t at all witty, but one should never joke about drinking games. You should only joke WHILE you’re doing them. I bring this up today because I just saw this link on Fark.com:

The State of the Union Drinking Game

Basically it’s a set of rules to use for when you watch Tuesday’s State of the Union address. Very funny.

This also brings to mind a drinking game my roommate and I have been formulating for some time now, the CSI:Miami drinking game. I’ll post the full details on this game tomorrow, so that you all can find the massive amounts of liquor you’d need to complete one episode, and since Monday is the scheduled air date for the show, the few wee hours between now and then simply wouldn’t suffice.

Here’s a teaser:

If at any time someone actually says David Caruso’s character’s full, ridiculous name (Horatio Caine): 1 Drink

David Caruso removes his sun glasses to emphasize a point: 1 Drink

The emphasized point is the lead in quote to the theme song: Drink half of your drink

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