On the topic of boys being gross, as Ally so specifically and correctly put it yesterday, I wanted to muse out loud about something. Men are pigs, we all know that… though I wonder to what extent most women know it. The sheer level the mind bending effects of a man’s sexual drive is something that I truly believe most women will never understand.
There’s the commonly mentioned urban legend that men think about sex every seven seconds. In truth it is much higher than that. Men think about sex every second of every day. They think about sex with everyone and everything. Take a look around you and find something with a hole in it, I can guarantee that a man has thought about putting his penis in it. Men, feel free to go mentally crazy on the picture at the top of this post.
It’s a little like Tourette’s syndrome of the brain. You can’t help it, the best you can do is hope to push it to the back of your brain. Some are better than others at this. We call these people successful, as in they’re successful in suppressing their base sexual desires long enough to go to college and get a job.
Some women like to say that they’re just as horny as men. Sure, maybe every now and then when the tides are just right, someone complimented your hair and you just beat a bitch down for that last handbag at the sample sale. But men are that horny every hour of every day. Why do you think men always wake up with an erection? Because when they are dreaming there is no limit to the depraved level sexual encounters they can experience. I’m constantly surprised more men don’t wake up with priapism and a monkey claw.
Is it any wonder why we only ever elect old men to office? It’s not because of experience, it’s because we know their penises stopped working years ago and we’re secure in the fact that they won’t drop the ball in a high pressure situation because they’re thinking about what Star Jones looks like naked. And every man has thought that thought once and if they never have… they will… right… now. Egads, all that extra skin.
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