Miss(ed) Manners

June 3, 2008

Primarily Speaking

Filed under: Humor — missedmanners @ 11:40 pm

I hate talking about politics online. It’s worse than talking about politics at dinner. The only difference is you don’t have to worry about the person sitting next to you intentionally not washing their hands after going to the bathroom and spiking your shared bowl of mussels with finger feces surprise. Instead, online, people can just yap and yap and yap as if their having figured out how to type semi-legibly has magically granted them an honorary poly-sci degree from Harvard, which is only slightly worse than someone who actually has a poly-sci degree from Harvard.

But I’ll make an exception for tonight. This whole primary thing is such idiocy. Hillary should have been out of this race months ago and regardless of the results from tonight’s primaries her prolonged engagement here is a real testament to her being a psycho hose beast.

She’s a pandering corporate sell out who’s tried everything, even the race card (which is basically a reverse race card because she’s touted her being more electable by racists), to get elected and it just hasn’t worked.

The Hillary campaign was basically like a relationship from hell.

You meet this girl online and you hit it off, the whole thing looks great on paper and you agree to meet for dinner. The conversation is good, she’s smart and funny and looks even better in person. She’s a little eager to put out on the first date but what are you gonna do? Turn her down? No.

The sex is a little rough and you wake up with a few bite marks and a whole lot of shame. Then come the calls. She keeps calling and calling. You meet up with her again and realize you’ve made a terrible mistake. She plans a dinner date with her parents, you’ve got to accompany her to a work function. You try to get out of it but she won’t stop calling. You change your phone number after she suggests you get a shared health insurance plan to save money.

She keeps calling and calling and calling.

It’s over you say.

Not till I say it’s over she says.

It’s around this point you either start looking at pictures of your ex (McCain) or start text flirting with that friend of a friend who’s new in town (Obama). Sure she’s inexperienced but you’ve become so jaded with the dating scene in town that just meeting a fresh face makes you excited and hopeful about dating again.

It’s around this point that you find your rabbit boiled in your kitchen at four in the morning.



  1. I think you put it better than anyone else I’ve been reading tonight…good job.

    Comment by jlhpisces — June 4, 2008 @ 12:05 am | Reply

  2. and here I was wondering if you switched from politics to personal.

    But I reread it and saw no mention of knee socks or little pink skirts so I knew it was politics as usual.

    Comment by Keith — June 4, 2008 @ 9:07 am | Reply

  3. Awesome….

    Comment by Missy — June 14, 2008 @ 12:40 am | Reply

  4. And, BRILLIANT! ‘a psycho hose-beast’ *snorts with laughter*

    Comment by Garrett W Vance — June 14, 2008 @ 6:48 am | Reply

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