Miss(ed) Manners

April 30, 2008

Of Course.

Filed under: Humor — missedmanners @ 11:13 pm

Of course I’ve got an event this weekend that’s outside.

Of course it’s going to rain and possibly lightning.

Of course a friend’s promotion group is celebrating their fifth anniversary the night before my event.

Of course I’ll be getting up early, or rather, really late, and going to said party before going to work all night.

Of course I’ll be paying for this all day on Sunday.

Maybe I’ll have a drink.

April 29, 2008

How People Disappear

Filed under: Humor — missedmanners @ 10:05 pm

They buy a copy of Grand Theft Auto IV.

Expect me to cancel all plans and to simply fucking disappear over the next couple weeks.

What’s funny is that my roommate and I just watched Eastern Promises the other day and now I’m all Russian accented out.

I will be drinking wodka from now on.

April 28, 2008

You Know What’s Got to Suck?

Filed under: Humor — missedmanners @ 11:30 pm

When you look like a male celebrity, but you are a woman and only when that male celebrity is in drag.

When riding the subway home tonight I was seated across a lady who looked like esteemed SNL cast member Kenan Thompson.

But not like this Kenan Thompson:

Rather, THIS Kenan Thompson:

She even had those googly eyes that he does, but hers weren’t funny googly, they were lazy eye googly.

Poor thing.

I’m now on the lookout for the entire cast of To Wong Foo With Love… at a bar having cosmos.

April 27, 2008

Whadda Weekend

Filed under: Humor — missedmanners @ 11:44 pm

You know what I miss? Weekends where nothing happens.

Nothing at all.

Has anyone had one of those? Do they exist?

I actually try to do as little as possible every weekend because no matter how hard I try, something always ends up happening. Good, bad or ugly, it doesn’t matter, it still happens, and sometimes I just kinda wish it wouldn’t at all. There’s no point in being the calm little Zen nut in the middle of the universal party mix if the party mix isn’t all Zen too, am I right?

Right.

This was me being super vague. G’night.

April 26, 2008

First and Grill

Filed under: Humor — missedmanners @ 9:10 pm

We had our first rooftop grill session of the summer today. Our friend Brian came over and flexed his hibernating BBQ skills to luxurious results. Ribs, fish, avacado and cheap beer were enjoyed by all.

Last year we started a tradition of musically themed BBQ parties. The first was the early fall R&BBQ, which was such a success we’re planning four or five more this season. We’ll of course have the R&BBQ again, no one should go more than a year without staring misty eyed off into the sunset while being serenaded by Peabo Bryson and munching on a grilled pork loin.

We’ll also be having a Classic Rock Block Party, a Dub and Reggae Day and a Hip Hop Cook Off.

I fucking love the summer.

April 25, 2008

Retardiness

Filed under: Humor — missedmanners @ 8:42 pm

I know some people who are habitually late. One of these people is my best friend, whose birthday I’m heading off to celebrate with hetero-life-partner style by eating dinner and having drinks.

What I’m always perplexed by is why, if I know he’s going to be late all the time, why do I always rush to be on time? For a while I figured it was just so we could arguee about it and I could have something to be indignant about. I so rarely get to be the indignant one.

It’s not that, even though I do love being indignant. Shit, I even love SAYING indignant.

No, it’s because I need to keep us opposite.

My friend, he’s kind of like the Schwarzeneggar to my DeVito, I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s always nice to remember again why he’s my best friend, especially when it comes time to celebrate his being a month older than me.

When I’m clueless, I can always count on him to know what to do.

When I feel the need to lie, he can back up that lie with some truth.

When he is who he is, it makes me secure in myself, knowing that together we’ve got the whole spectrum covered, from good to bad, from open minded to notoriously slightly obnoxiously stubborn.

So, I guess in a way, he has to be late and I have to be early, or else who are we? I’m not Dave and he’s not Nick.

Oh shit, I just made myself late writing this!

April 24, 2008

Arcliche

Filed under: Humor — missedmanners @ 11:03 pm

If you got that reference, then move back into your parents’ basement, because you’re not ready for the real world.

Anyway, just got a healthy dose of mega-cliches from an episode of ER. Here’s what I learned:

  • You can tell how the show is going to progress based on the star quality of the guest stars. For example: Hal Holbrook was on tonight, which means that Luca’s taking the job at the old persons’ home.
  • If a patient says that the prognosis is good more than once, they are dead. Deader than disco.
  • Love advice from the guy who seemingly knows nothing about love will work, always.
  • County General in Chicago is like a fucking gun magnet. Apparently, next week, someone breaks in and forces the doctors to do his bidding. This will be the fortieth time they’ve used this particular story line.

You know what wouldn’t be cliche? Give the fucking doctors guns. Considering how often they’re getting mugged, shot at or pistol whipped, they should change the break room (you know, the one where they progress all the non-medical personal storylines?) into an arms locker.

April 23, 2008

Summer!

Filed under: Humor — missedmanners @ 11:48 pm

It was 72 degrees outside today.

Which means it was room temperature outside.

It also means that soon will begin my epic yearly battle with the temperature of my office will begin.

My office building, being run by cheap-skate security obsessed assholes, refuses to turn on the air conditioning until the last possible second before some obscure deadline set forth years before Global Warming turned Manhattan into the burning sunspot of humidity it is today.

Now, I normally love sweat. Love it. I like the perspiration infused greasy shine I kick off like some hastily wiped butter spill on a flesh colored kitchen counter. But damnit, I don’t need to look all sexy at work, I need to be focused.

Eventually of course, they turn on the air conditioning TOO much and I’ll have the arctic cone of cold blasting down on my forehead giving me sinus infections galore by the time June hits its stride.

Speaking of A/C is anyone else continually perplexed as to how people used to live without it in the past? I mean, back in the day clothiers everywhere were securely in the pocket of Big Wool and you couldn’t go anywhere without like eight layers of wool undergarments.

It gets SO hot here in just my apartment WITH air conditioning that I routinely hang out buck ass nekkid, much to my roommate’s disgust and certainly without his permission. So how the hell did those old timey chin strap beard guys do it?

I have no idea.

Though it might explain the South as a whole.

April 22, 2008

Two Sentences

Filed under: Humor — missedmanners @ 8:51 pm

So I got home last night from our last event more than a little drunk. Somehow I got drunk enough that I couldn’t a) charge my phone, b) turn on my computer or c) make it to my bed.

Anyway, having failed in my promise to write at least a sentence every day, here’s two:

#1: I just got home from Boston, I’m crazy tired and now apparently I’m heading out to the Tribecca Film Festival to go clinky clinky with some fancy people.

#2: I just looked at myself in the mirror and I am the furthest thing from fancy.

April 20, 2008

Beyond Tired

Filed under: Humor — missedmanners @ 11:54 pm

Done.

All done.

Well, almost, but close enough.

I finished my yearly event and passed out almost immediately, just woke up and have been stumbling about the room with bed head and dried saliva.

Feeling sexier by the minute.

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