Miss(ed) Manners

January 17, 2008

Ask Dave! Vol. 19.1

Filed under: Humor — missedmanners @ 2:37 pm

Every now and then I get a bad ass email response to one of my posts. Since I’m about to leave for San Francisco to hang with some friends, I figured I’d post one of them because I my brain was murdered last night at the end of a thirteen hour work day (Damn you coinciding projects).

Anyway, below is a letter from Jess who is responding to my mostly sarcastic Ask Dave! post from yesterday. Since she took enough time to write out what is in effect the RIGHT answer to Not Satisfied in Nova Scotia’s letter, I figured I’d post it and not quietly remind her that everyone should always read this site as if there are giant quotation marks around every word (I’m what they call “sarcastic”).

Anyway, here it is:

(Thanks, Jess!)

Dear Dave,

One of my favorite parts of Dear Abby is when she posts when readers disagree with her. Now I am writing to you to tell you that I disagree with the second half of your reply to Not Satisfied in Nova Scotia.

Part #1 was spot on. I too was given an unfortunate piece of jewelry by a boyfriend. It was a silver bracelet. I violently despise anything on my wrist, but since he obviously tried really hard to find something I would like, I wore it every day until we broke up.

Part #2 was a travesty. Rather than suggesting she train her boyfriend, perhaps you should have suggested that if she is going to insist on being materialistic, she should stop being a manipulative bitch and tell him point blank what she would like. Men are dense. Dropping hints and expecting a guy to comprehend, or even notice that you are trying to communicate with him, is like throwing a rock at Mount Everest and expecting it to fall over. It is completely unfair for women to be all ‘I gave him so many hints!’ and then get mad because men simply do not communicate like that. She needs to pick out exactly what she would like and hand him several photos or print outs of exactly what she would like with ‘THIS IS WHAT I WOULD LIKE FOR MY BIRTHDAY/VALENTINE’S/CHRISTMAS/ETC.’ written on it. This is how you tell a guy that you want something in particular, not by pointing items out and commenting on them. It’s girls like that who give the rest of us a bad name.

ARGH! in Austin



  1. Exactly. So much better to be direct than to hint around, be manipulative, and then get mad when a guy doesn’t get it. My husband has done well in the jewelry department, but now I don’t need any more, and I’ve told him that directly. That left him somewhat at a loss for gift ideas. So, for Christmas, I made him a short list of exact things that I’d like: he was able to do his shopping stress-free, and we were both happy on Christmas morning.

    As a side note, the same general idea is true for other issues related to both romance and sex. If you want some pretty flowers for your birthday or anniversary, or you want to go out to dinner, tell him directly. First, it reminds him that the event is coming. Second, he can pick what the flowers look like, or choose the restaurant, which qualifies as a surprise; you’ll be happy, and he’ll be happy that you’re happy. Similarly, if you want him to do (or not do!) some particular bit of sexual gymnastics, then screw up your courage (so to speak) and tell him. You’ll both wind up more satisfied.

    Communication: the wonder drug for relationships.

    Comment by tiffanytaylor — January 17, 2008 @ 4:41 pm | Reply

  2. I agree entirely, but with one qualification… make sure he’s FULLY listening when you tell him what you want. My other half tends to tune out and then say, much later, “why didn’t you tell me you wanted that?”. Recent example: we were out Christmas shopping and I saw the perfect wrist watch (been searching for a good one for a while, and hubby has been assisting). Said to hubby, as we were both looking at the watch in the window, “there’s the perfect watch… you could buy me it for Christmas”. I didn’t get it, but mentioned about a week after Christmas that it was a pity he didn’t purchase it for me. He said (and I quote) “why didn’t you tell me you’d found the perfect watch? I would have gotten it for you”. Apparently, he had tuned out after I said “there’s the”. Arrrgggghhh!
    You think I’d know about his tuning out tendency after 10 years of marriage. Silly me.
    Having said that, he generally is pretty good about getting me what I want. He really appreciates a list… but unfortunately, I’m into surprises.

    Comment by Chuggle — January 17, 2008 @ 6:57 pm | Reply

  3. I’m so over disappointing surprises and hinting is for losers.

    Whether it is my significant other or my non-shopping elderly parents, the specific request is far more satisfying that the bizarre disappointing surprise. Plus I hate to have people waste money on gifts I will never use/wear/display.

    Comment by conundrum — January 18, 2008 @ 10:32 am | Reply

  4. I agree with the rebuttal. I can’t stand when women play coy and then get mad when things dont go their way. What kind of bullshit is that?! Ugh! I am a straight forward woman and if asked what I want, I tell. I don’t beat around the bush and play games. Yes, I would like to get surprised from time to time, but if my man isn’t inclined to have good recall, then he’ll get a list of a few things and then he can pick sometihng.

    Women need to recognize that their foremothers fought and died their current rights and they need to appreciate it and act accordingly.

    Comment by blujewel — January 21, 2008 @ 9:32 pm | Reply

  5. I think everyone has missed the point here. The point is, my damn beagle keeps forgetting to put the toilet seat down and I’m running out of ideas for punishment.

    Help Dave, help!

    Comment by Cwazy — January 22, 2008 @ 11:42 pm | Reply

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