Miss(ed) Manners

October 9, 2007

High Infidelity

Filed under: R&B — missedmanners @ 4:41 pm

So I’m having a barbecue at my house this coming weekend. Sort of a “buh bye summer” event (of course this weekend looks to be the first rainy/chilly one in like six months, but I digress where we’re going to grill on our roof in Brooklyn all day, and drink really really cheap liquor and listen to smooth smooth R&B.

We’re calling it “The R&BBQ” (nice right?). The idea was spawned a couple weeks ago when we had one by accident. A friend had brought over some flank steak, a pineapple, white wine and a radio, which we tuned to 98.3 I think. There’s something magical about listening to a baritone talk some serious love at a microphone while you chow on some grilled meat and look at the sunset. Seriously. I suggest you try it. So enamored with the effect, we decided to have everyone over and force them to do the same.

For the last couple days I’ve been collecting all the bad ass smooth soul and R&B that I can find. I’ve been listening to it so much that my voice has dropped a full octave and I speak about fifteen percent slower. I refer to everyone as “baby,” even babies.

One thing that I’ve noticed, and I thought it was weird, R&B songs are, on average, 8 times out of ten about infidelity.  If you listen carefully, almost every time a guy is wailing and crying about how his woman left him, it’s because he messed with some other chick. Or, if it’s about a woman that he loves, it’s usually someone else’s woman, who he’s got to let go because their love ain’t right, no matter how sad it’s going to make him. And it WILL make him sad, belieeeeeeeeve me.

R&B singers are cheatin’ bad asses.  If you ever go back in time with your wife, watch out for Teddy P., any of The Dramatics and especially Isaac Hayes (I think present day Isaac Hayes is probably cool, he’s all into Scientology now).



  1. so….the hibachi malfunctioned and killed everyone right?? that’s why there’s no more posts?

    Comment by matt k — October 16, 2007 @ 10:42 pm | Reply

  2. of course i am writing this purely for my own satisfaction, cause if you truly are dead, there will be no response

    Comment by matt k — October 16, 2007 @ 10:43 pm | Reply

  3. Death by hibachi?

    And see, I was thinking he fell off the roof and is now suffering from a full body cast and sponge baths from a red-headed nurse.

    Poor Dave.

    Comment by Ally — October 21, 2007 @ 9:07 am | Reply

  4. suffering?? redhead sponge bath?
    nah, he’s toast….or dating someone, we’re like the friends who get ignored for the new girlfriend.

    Comment by matt K — October 22, 2007 @ 3:25 pm | Reply

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