Miss(ed) Manners

August 30, 2007

The World Without Walmart

Filed under: Walmart — missedmanners @ 2:45 pm

A friend showed me the link to this one site:


It’s a timeline showing approximately what would happen to the world if humans disappeared.  Then I thought: You know what would be awesome? If someone took this and made it about what would happen if Walmart went all chapter 11 and completely shut down.

7 Days: Diabetic shock is responsible for over 18,000 deaths in one week as bargain closeout candy is wolfed down at an alarming rate.

One Month: Thousands starve and naked children roam the streets as their cheap knock off FUBU gear that was made in China has dissolved in the first rain shower.

Six Months: Counter culture artists buy closed down Walmart locations and install massive environmental multimedia displays celebrating the death of rampant consumerism. Though some doubted the possibility, they are deemed even more irrelevant than before.

One Year: Hundreds of thousands of now unemployed former Walmart “team members” form a break away republic in the mountains of West Virginia. Their prayers to the god, Wal-el, for discount Hostess cupcakes to appear on the grass like manna from heaven are of course ignored.

Five Years: Another fucking big ass all-in-one store that rapes local economies under the guise of providing low costs and jobs to rural, uneducated areas, opens after buying up all the old Walmart Supercenter locations. All is well with the world.


1 Comment »

  1. I would have expected that the breakaway republic, aka cult, to convene at the Wal*Mart Mecca of Arkansas.

    No need to plague the poor West Virginians with that assemblage of ne’er-do-well’s.

    good post. Thanks

    Comment by Geezer — August 30, 2007 @ 5:44 pm | Reply

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