Miss(ed) Manners

April 25, 2007

Get a Grip

Filed under: Humor — missedmanners @ 10:44 am

Argh, this drives me nuts.

Last night was watching the X-Files movie again, happened to catch it on HBO. This past weekend I’d caught 300 with a friend and well, I found an odd parallel between the two movies. No it wasn’t a line drawn between the monumental amount of sexual tension between Mulder and Scully and Leonidas and Xerxes (though it was considerable on both accounts).

No, it was actually that both movies have a scene where the main character is climbing to get somewhere and their footing inevitably falters. Either a wingtip or sandal holds the character’s entire weight on a stone, or snow or creaky metal ladder rung, it gives way and they slip precariously downwards only to cling onto a finger-hold.  Looking downward as debris falls hundreds of feet below the hero struggles against the rising crescendo of strings and drums and pulls himself upwards.

Argh, this drives me CRAZY. It happens in almost every single movie. Besides Morgan Freeman playing the archetypal “Mystical Negro” character this is the most overused movie cliche known to man. If there’s something to climb, it’s going to be climbed, only not very well. At this point whenever I see a scene with a character climbing I’m less worried about the character’s safety and more worried about the impending insult to my intelligence.

This is fucking idiotic. Anyone who’s ever climbed anything knows that the first thing you do is check your footing before moving upwards. Never rely on your hands to hold you up, that’s dangerous. Secure your footing first, at all times, Sheesh.

I know I know, maybe there isn’t any time to check your footing when you’re being chased by an alien or Persian or a Persian alien, but come ON Hollywood.

6 Comments »

  1. Humans are not good enough climbers to escape in that fashion. Better to hold your ground, stand tall and swear like a trooper.

    Comment by Gorilla Bananas — April 25, 2007 @ 11:07 am | Reply

  2. LOL..I love how movies are soo hilarious cause we know that stuff could never happen in real life and if it did we’d be laughing our tails off…I love 300…SPARTA!! Ok that’s enough LOL

    Comment by Honey-Libra — April 25, 2007 @ 11:49 am | Reply

  3. I am paralyzed by the girl on that cliff. Cripes. I can barely make myself climb a latter to a first story roof.

    Comment by max — April 25, 2007 @ 4:03 pm | Reply

  4. Er, ladder. Sorry. Paralysis and all that.

    Comment by max — April 25, 2007 @ 4:04 pm | Reply

  5. I’ve come to realize that my intelligence is far too superior for Hollywood and the likes. Expecting me to accept things in which i know are just wrong or stupid is ridiculous. *ugh* It’s a shame that entertainment is hardly entertaining anymore.

    Comment by BluJewel — April 26, 2007 @ 7:13 am | Reply

  6. At the beginning of one of the “Mission: Impossible” movies, Tom Cruise climbs all up a huge cliff, including hanging on purpose, as I recall, by one hand, with no evident distress. Of course, in that case the point wasn’t to add dramatic tension but to indicate yet again that Tom is Superman.

    And then there’s Fezzik, up the Cliffs of Insanity, carrying Inigo, Buttercup, and Vizzini strapped to him; followed by the Man in Black. What a great climbing scene — with humor, yet.

    Comment by tiffanytaylor — April 27, 2007 @ 8:21 am | Reply


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