So I laid down and tried to get a little sleep, but it really wasn’t happening. I was fitful, to say the least.
After a little while I got a call from my recently made former girlfriend, Eileen, asking if I wanted to grab some breakfast. She’d been down there since Wednesday night, also out on her first WMC excursion. Now, I’d just grabbed a little bacon egg and cheese on the way home from Nocturnal, but I was surprisingly ravenous and just a little too excited to just lay around. Plus it’d been a while since we’d hung out and I figured a little time in the sun would do me worlds of good.
I’m a huge fan of making nice with all my former relations. Some take longer than others, but this one seems to be going well. We’d actually gone out for a sum total of three years, so at this point I consider her one of my best friends. She’s also really pretty, so just hanging out with her is always at least cosmetically enjoyable.
We grabbed a seat at Cafeteria, which has GREAT food. I ate fruit for the first time in like six years (I’m not really a fan of non-animal produce) and I got to hear all about her week at WMC so far. As with all male/female conversations, I mainly listened😆 and asked her questions about her. I did get asked how I was liking my fruit salad though.😆
Once we were sated, we ended up heading over to the Ritz Carlton for what were supposed to be, as my roommate, Spoony, promised, the World’s Greatest Pina Colodas. He was right. Check these bad boys out!
Most amazing drink ever. Not only do they taste excellent, but the location that you drink them at is excellent. You’re far away from the madness of Conference. You’re not near any crackheads except yourself. You’re looking out over the beautiful beach and beautiful people. Simply a joyful experience.
From there we headed off to the Beach Plaza hotel rooftop for my friends’ Sleepy and Boo’s party. They basically have run of the entire hotel and throw parties in the garden area and on the roof. They booked some SICK talent there this year. Unfortunately, it started to rain intermittently. Regardless, I actually got a lot of good sun up there. This would be very important in keeping up the illusion that I was in Miami and not stuffed into the corner of some megaclub the entire time. A fact that would keep my bosses happy, I hoped.
Unfortunately, because of the wind and rain, we didn’t get a chance to really dance around. I started drinking in earnest and after meeting up with some of the crew, and a few long lost friends, I gathered up a crew and headed off to pick up supplies for the long long long night ahead of us.
So this is where the day gets hazy.
Foolishly, I combined nearly a dozen drinks of all kinds, what was now a sun burn and an illicit substance that I’m normally very fond of. I wont say its name direKtly, but I’m sure you may know what I’m talking about. Nothing super messy, just as we were walking back to the hotel I sunk about 50 feet underground and lost major speech functions.
Describing a hole to someone who’s never been in one is kind of pointless. I happen to enjoy the experience recreationally, but when you’ve got to get shit done, like get showered, dressed and ready to go, it can be a bit of a pain. Since you’ve lost all ability to think clearly you’re sort of operating on instinct alone. Fortunately for me I’ve got these awesome instincts that allowed me to do the following without falling on my ass and/or cracking my head open:
- Take a shower
- Wash my hair
- Wash my balls
- Get dressed
- Drink a glass of water
- Convince people that I’m not retarded
These were all VERY difficult in my condition, yet somehow they just happened. By the time I completed the tasks, everyone but my group-appointed caretaker, Dale, had left for happy hour drinks. After sitting around for a little while, losing stuff, finding it and then losing it and finding it again, we headed out as well.
I started getting really punchy at this point. As is evidenced by this picture:
Anyway, we grabbed some drinks, which took, I swear, no less than 45 minutes to be made. They were also served by a super queen with BLEACHED eyebrows, or the most fashionable albinism I’ve ever seen. I grabbed some food (realizing that I wouldn’t be eating for quite some time after that) and then we headed off to meet up with some friends of ours from New York that were throwing a party at a little place called Buck 15.
It was hard to find and it was on the second floor above a Chinese restaurant so instantly this party reminded us of home. There were super cheap vodka drinks and you could smoke inside so I was feeling like why go anywhere else. A ton of New York kids showed up and we chilled out for a while. We boogied around, got nice and toasty drunk before my boy John and I headed off to the next party that he was throwing at a place called, of all things, Sin. First we had to stop by his swank hotel room and get cleaned up and say hi to his marvelous wife, Jen.
Walking around during Conference is apparently a group activity, because within five minutes a straggling drunk girl joined up with us out of nowhere. Her name was Victoria or Vivian or something, it’s not important. What IS important is that we saved her from walking into moving traffic at least eight times. When we got her safely to Collins she split off heading south and possibly was run over by a truck.
One other notable happening from that portion of the evening was John open palm slapping me for using the word, “Wife” which is, and I’ve checked, in clear violation of Guy Code.
So I’ll stop there as the next twelve hours sort of run together. Things to look forward to: A Caped Captain Rhythm, sunlit dancing and a luddite field.