Miss(ed) Manners

February 7, 2007

True Tales of Lust #1

Filed under: Random,Sex,Silly — missedmanners @ 11:32 am

So often, especially from my friends, I hear how women are juuuuuust as horny as guys. I call absolute bullshit on this. Men are ruled by their penises, we lack the ability for rational thought when dealing with every day situations when vagina is thrown into the mix.

How best to illustrate this point? Why anecdotes of course. In this series I’ll be cataloging the most ridiculous forays into the world of booty seeking. If you’ve got one, feel free to email it to me, or leave it in the comments section. Did you hop a flight to a one night party on the other side of the country because some chick said she’d be “really happy to see you,” and you spent the night hanging with her and unknown to you at the time boyfriend? Have you semi-stalked a pretty stranger halfway across the city through seven bars in 90 degree weather only to realize that it was actually a Thai lady boy?

Leave your embarrassments here, no judgments.

Well that’s not true, there will be lots of judgments, and laughter.

Here’s my first one:

In High School I used to drive about forty minutes to school, every day. One such morning I was at a rest stop having a smoke and a cup of coffee when out on the road I saw a car I recognized go by. I thought that I remembered that this may or may not have been a good looking girl that I may or may not have known and she may or may not have given me what I perceived to be an interested smile some weeks ago.

Naturally I jumped into my car, sped after her at break neck speeds and got a ticket for 85 in a 55. My one and only speeding ticket. I never saw the car or the girl again.

The above is a true story and a perfect example of the kind of crippling effect the male libido has on the male himself. Please note that I was not even sure that it was a girl that I knew and even less sure if the girl even was interested in me.

16 Comments »

  1. heheheheheh, oh man, been there.

    i once went to a bar i hated, hung out with people i hated, drank a brand of beer i hated, all because this really hot girl i knew might have been there. i ended up driving home half shitfaced at 4am (not proud of it either), and confessed my undying love for a friend of mine (who was a lesbian). oh yeah, i was a class act. i constantly pursued that girl (the lesbian) until her untimely death, because there as an off chance i might get in her pants (it actually did happen once, and it wasn’t that good cause we were rushed and she was a virgin lol)

    oh what else have i done. dated one girl cause i thought she’d be a dynamo in the sack, never even got a kiss out of her, and ended up fucking her fat friend.

    dated the woman from hell because there was a chance of action there…in 4 months, got one lousy handjob, and a hummer but was forced to wear a condom during it cause she didn’t like the taste of cock (i’m thinking…a condom is better?????)

    hmmmm…..broke up with a girl because another girl said she kinda liked me. i did it cause she had big tits.

    dated a girl who annoyed the shit out of me who really wasn’t that attractive for the sole reason that i knew she liked anal, that’s when i figured out i might be on rock bottom, breaking out the dynamite.

    then i dated a girl who was hot, but annoying, simply cause the sex was good…..oh yeah, while i was dating her, i was banging her mother, who was also hot (good pedigree in this family). i think that relationship lasted so long because i was pretty well getting fucked like, six times a week for six or seven months. wanna know why it ended??? her mom got engaged and stopped sleeping with me. lol, who wants to be in a relationship where you’re faithful??

    lol, and now…now i’m with one girl, have been for 2 and a half years. oh how i want to sleep with other women but goddamn, i just can’t bring myself to do it…that’s that love stuff they talk about. so what do i do?? mention threesomes lol. dammit, i’m gonna get to bang someone eventually, and i’ll have permission too!

    Comment by Kent — February 8, 2007 @ 4:58 am | Reply

  2. One thing I’ve learned about horny men is that they exaggerate… so, don’t mean to be rude here, but I’m trying to determine how much of this I believe, Kent! 😉

    Comment by mamadoggylove — February 9, 2007 @ 11:03 am | Reply

  3. lmao

    Kent, you truly know what I’m talking about. I’ve got a ton of these. Verily, the male sex of the human species is a poor poor creature.

    Comment by missedmanners — February 9, 2007 @ 12:47 pm | Reply

  4. Okay. Kent made up my mind for me. I am joining a convent.

    Comment by max — February 10, 2007 @ 5:03 am | Reply

  5. Sorry to disappoint but I have slept with only 2 women in my life and have never lied for sex. Not a boast certainly and more of a simple fact of life than a principled stance. Totally boring, I know.

    @max and mamadoggylove – It’s not hard to believe every word Kent says; there are plenty of guys like the younger Kent and in my opinion they’re all assholes. Perhaps if their doggish boner odysseys weren’t so riddled with deceit, I could see them as merely male and not total sacks of shit.

    No apologies,
    groucho

    Comment by grouchosuave — February 10, 2007 @ 8:20 pm | Reply

  6. Well that is not nobility, that is a nonexistent libido and is just as bad only in a different way. One guy cannot keep his pants on and the other does not know why you find it problematic you never have sex. Both are lose lose.

    Comment by max — February 10, 2007 @ 8:50 pm | Reply

  7. who said anything about not having sex? The libido is fine. And not lying “is just as bad only in a different way”??!! …please.

    Comment by grouchosuave — February 11, 2007 @ 11:49 am | Reply

  8. I understand that there are many guys just looking to score… I just can’t wait until they have daughters of their own and karma comes back to bite them in the ass.

    Comment by mamadoggylove — February 11, 2007 @ 12:42 pm | Reply

  9. lol, every word is true, and yes, i realise it makes me look like a total scumfuck, but that’s who i was between the ages of 18 and 22, i was a late bloomer and learned about my sexuality later than most, its not my fault that a big footed lanky socially inept teenager isn’t a babe magnet in grade nine.

    BUT, if you’d bothered to read the last part, i’m still with the same girl, have been for two and a half years, and i couldn’t be happier.

    Comment by kent — February 13, 2007 @ 10:59 am | Reply

  10. Years ago, I was talking to this guy for a while and was really into him. He was a single dad with custody of his daughter and said he hadn’t had sex in a while. We had a date planned and he was taking his daughter to her mothers for the weekend. He left the back door open for me to let myself in seeing as I’d arrive before he’d get back. I had to use the bathroom and saw a used condom in the trash can. I was mega pissed and disappointed. I kept what I saw to myself and enjoyed a really good date with him, but at the end of the night when he THOUGHT he was getting some, I feigned a stomach ache and went to sleep. I kept seeing him a little while longer, but ended up breaking it off cause I couldn’t keep avoiding sex. I later told him what I saw and he admitted everything and said he felt like shit for lying. It was all too late by then. Had he told the truth at the onset or at least been more discrete with his trash disposal, he might have gotten me. Oh well, shit happens and it stinks!!!!

    Comment by BluJewel — February 13, 2007 @ 3:02 pm | Reply

  11. I wonder how many women that “I am a single dad and have not had sex in so long” line worked on. It was working on you and it worked on whoever was with him the night before. It probably was working a lot.

    Comment by max — February 14, 2007 @ 1:18 am | Reply

  12. I’m not sure… guy obviously do VERY stupid things when testosterone is clouding their brains, but I’ve seen a lot of girl friends doing some impossibily dumb stuff to get a guy. The only difference was that instead of admiting they wanted to do them, they said “I really like him! He could be the one!”

    A friend of mine spent money she didn’t have in a sexy dress to go to a party where this cute guy could or could not be. I worked late for a month just so that, on my way home, I could ride the elevator with this really hot guy.

    I guess the reason woman don’t seek sex as much (or as dumbly) is most security and fear of being labeled. Sure, we are not as hormonally driven as men (or are we? Think PMS), but we have our share!

    Comment by Alessandra — February 15, 2007 @ 11:43 am | Reply

  13. Men do a lot of stupid things for girls, and that’s NOT always jsut for sex. And girls know it and take full advantage of it. So cut the self righteous crap, max.

    I’ve stayed late in places I hated, I’ve taken the fall plenty of times, I’ve done all sorts of stupid things for one girl or another. And many of these times it was just a girl using me as she saw fit. So I think it’s only fair that if some guys can do all Kent did, they should enjoy themselves and do it (I’ve never had the ‘bonchance’ to meet such a mom so far…).

    Comment by eFTy — February 17, 2007 @ 6:47 pm | Reply

  14. lol, so far i’ve only met one other dude who claimed to have pulled the mom stunt.
    and yes, i enjoyed it.

    Should my fiance decide she’d like to try a threesome, be it with another man or woman, i’m sure i’ll enjoy that too.

    let’s face it, i’m a man, and as such am hard wired for desiring the porno lifestyle. why should i deny it????

    but i’m not saying to treat women as sexual objects, i only condone that in instances of revenge. women are just as sensitive as us.

    Comment by kent — February 17, 2007 @ 9:41 pm | Reply

  15. Do not pick on me efty I am not self rhiteous I am pragmatic and you have bad manners no wonder girls do not like you try the tic tacs.

    Comment by max — February 17, 2007 @ 10:37 pm | Reply

  16. you know what efty, i gotta side with max. yes there are women out there using men just as badly as men use them, but let’s face it, you can’t be used, if you don’t let yourself. you get farther with women by treating them respectfully.

    Comment by Kent — February 22, 2007 @ 12:47 am | Reply


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