Miss(ed) Manners

January 11, 2007

Vegas MLK Weekend!

Filed under: Humor,Random,Why? — missedmanners @ 2:50 pm

That’s the actual title of a thread on a messageboard I help run. I really thought it was a joke. Apparently some people are taking the extra day off and spending it in Vegas gambling, boozing and I’m just going to assume whoring.

I mean seriously now, how much have we trivialized the civil rights movement if its greatest leader is now nothing more than an excuse to party? I understand people in America are overworked and stressed out. I also admit it’s not like I’m doing anything better, like attending a vigil or rally or anything. It just seemed a little ridiculous, the combination of those words. At the very least one could spend a tiny portion of the weekend thinking on the subject of civic equality.

If that’s not your bag, then here are a few other equally ridiculous holiday weekend ideas:

MLK Weekend UFC Fight Night: Commemorative Bone Splint Night!

MLK Sweatshop Product Mega Sale: Only At Walmart

MLK Slightly Better Designed Sweatshop Product Mega Sale: Only At Target

Roots: The All Nude Revue @ The MGM Grand

MLK Weekend Special at McDonalds: The Non-Violent McResistance Burger!

The MLK Weekend Sale at the Furniture Warehouse: “Sit In, We Don’t Mind!”

And of course:

The Extra MLKy Starbucks Frappuccino, This Weekend Only!

January 10, 2007

Horrible Fortune Cookie

Filed under: Humor — missedmanners @ 4:32 pm

“You make people realize that there exist other beauties in the world.”

What the fuck?

I’m pretty sure this cookie just called me ugly. Either it’s implying that there is more to beauty than physical beauty, which then implies that I should be happy people smile at me past my club foot, horrible acid burn scarring and halitosis… or it’s saying that there are other “beauties,” as in other beautiful people. In which case the cookie’s saying that they’re better looking than I am.

It’s not even good with the requisite “in bed” tagged on.

“You make people realize that there exist other beauties in the world in bed.”

That’s just poor grammar and implies that I make people realize that there’s more to being in bed than the most obvious beauty of being in bed, sex with me.

Fuck you China.

lol, Vikings.

Filed under: Silly Christians,Vikings — missedmanners @ 12:06 pm

Saw this on a website today.

It does two things:

1) Puts the whole silly “creationism” thing into perspective (as if seeing an “ism” at the end of creation didn’t do that already).

and

2) Makes me want to be a viking.

vikings-rule.gif

Look out for me wearing a furry pair of underoos soon.

January 5, 2007

New York’s Mostest Eligible Bachelors, #22

Filed under: Humor,Ramblings,Relationships,Sex — missedmanners @ 12:07 pm

If you’re confused, check here.

Bachelor #22: Barry Shore
Barry has been a production assistant at the hit Showtime network show, The L Word for over four years. He recently took a four month sabbatical to study cunnilingus at the prestigious Oyster Bay Institute. He spends his free time now at the park split between admiring puppies at the dog run and marveling at children in the playground, but not in a creepy way, more of a, “I love kids and hope to have them whenever you’re ready” sort of way. Raised just outside of Hoboken, this hometown boy’s interests include: never hanging out with his friends again, letting you drive and making the bed.

Bachelor Fun Fact:
When he was a child, Barry was bombarded with gamma rays during a science experiment gone wrong. There were no noticeable harmful side effects, though he has gained a limited ability for telepathy. So yes, he is a mind-reader.

January 4, 2007

Chivalry Is Dead, #1

Filed under: Manners,Random,Relationships,Sex — missedmanners @ 11:16 am

I’m of the opinion that it never existed in the first place. Long ago when it became politically incorrect to just go around having your way with women, the men of the Medieval world found themselves having to work for pussy. Which is, as any modern man can tell you, a total drag. Today, customs that we assume are about respect and equality are attributed to this stirring concept of the preservation of the fairer sex; when in actuality it was really about trying to scam a hummer off of a visiting French Princess before she went off to her morning lute lesson or whatever.

Ladies First
Don’t you just get all warm and fuzzy when some burly guy takes the time to let you pass? Holds the door open, makes everyone in the elevator wait until you untangle yourself from the two dozen male occupants just so your dainty open toe shoed feet can be the first to hit that stock marble in the lobby?

We do this so we can look at your ass.

But you say, it’s a nice thing allowing a woman to go through a door first, shows you respect her authority or importance.

No, men respect ass above all things. There is no higher power, ask a Catholic. It also doesn’t matter on the size, shape, age, race or creed of the ass, it will be looked at and pondered. Wardrobe is a minor issue though. I’m willing to bet that women wearing long coats are allowed to go first fewer times by a margin of at least 15%. There’s simply nothing in it for the guy.

Furthermore, how does being allowed to go through a door first connote respect? You’ve been had, ladies. You have no fucking idea what could be on the other side of that door. There could be a pack of landwalking tiger sharks on the other side just waiting to devour whatever comes out of the door. If anything it’s misogynistic!

Why do you think we let the elderly go through doors first? No, not to look at their asses you sick fuck. Because they’re expendable and the Tiger Land Sharks love aged meat.

January 3, 2007

Happy New Year!

Filed under: Humor — missedmanners @ 12:33 pm

Okay, something weird has happened here. My WordPress went all frickin wonky on me and they changed my image and stuff.

Either way, just wanted to pop in real quick and say hi.

HI!

Been super busy with a lot of projects, the biggest of them being my project, “Sit Ass on Couch,” which went swimmingly. I’ve also got some great pics from the holidays including some of my older brother and I making a  scale rendition of the Battle of the Hornburg constructed completely out of royal icing and candy.

Yes, we actually did that.

So anyways how’s you kids doin?

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