Miss(ed) Manners

January 4, 2007

Chivalry Is Dead, #1

Filed under: Manners,Random,Relationships,Sex — missedmanners @ 11:16 am

I’m of the opinion that it never existed in the first place. Long ago when it became politically incorrect to just go around having your way with women, the men of the Medieval world found themselves having to work for pussy. Which is, as any modern man can tell you, a total drag. Today, customs that we assume are about respect and equality are attributed to this stirring concept of the preservation of the fairer sex; when in actuality it was really about trying to scam a hummer off of a visiting French Princess before she went off to her morning lute lesson or whatever.

Ladies First
Don’t you just get all warm and fuzzy when some burly guy takes the time to let you pass? Holds the door open, makes everyone in the elevator wait until you untangle yourself from the two dozen male occupants just so your dainty open toe shoed feet can be the first to hit that stock marble in the lobby?

We do this so we can look at your ass.

But you say, it’s a nice thing allowing a woman to go through a door first, shows you respect her authority or importance.

No, men respect ass above all things. There is no higher power, ask a Catholic. It also doesn’t matter on the size, shape, age, race or creed of the ass, it will be looked at and pondered. Wardrobe is a minor issue though. I’m willing to bet that women wearing long coats are allowed to go first fewer times by a margin of at least 15%. There’s simply nothing in it for the guy.

Furthermore, how does being allowed to go through a door first connote respect? You’ve been had, ladies. You have no fucking idea what could be on the other side of that door. There could be a pack of landwalking tiger sharks on the other side just waiting to devour whatever comes out of the door. If anything it’s misogynistic!

Why do you think we let the elderly go through doors first? No, not to look at their asses you sick fuck. Because they’re expendable and the Tiger Land Sharks love aged meat.

17 Comments »

  1. But…but….butt?!

    Glad you’re back to posting, kiddo.

    Comment by Eileen — January 4, 2007 @ 4:32 pm | Reply

  2. hmm that just puts everything into a new perspective! i’ll be sure not to ever ask a guy again ‘what happened to ladies first?’

    Comment by dragonsvamp — January 5, 2007 @ 8:06 pm | Reply

  3. that was some funny ass shit man! i loved it and it made a lot of sense. i still like it though and i’ll be sure to put a little extra switch in my step when a guy is holding the door open for me. then i’ll turn around with a coy smile and say, i hope i made your day. then he’ll have a perplexed and maybe even embarassed look on his face and i’ll say, you have dave to thank for that and keep going. (roaring with laughter)

    Comment by BluJewel — January 8, 2007 @ 12:35 pm | Reply

  4. Kudos for honesty! Back in the 1970s when I and all my friends were furious with men, we refused to let them open doors for us–we’d find a way around him, even if it meant humiliating him (ESPECially if it meant humiliating him!) If he was puzzled and wondered what he did wrong, we’d shrug and say “You figure it out!” But decades later, whenever my boyfriend opened the car door for me before getting in to the driver’s seat, I did get “that warm and fuzzy” feeling. Now I’m the one trying to figure it out.

    Comment by marcys — January 13, 2007 @ 11:23 am | Reply

  5. I always thought so. Still, it’s nice to have someone open the door when your arms are full. I try not to judge men-poor, limited things as they are-too harshly,

    Comment by Mrs. Garside — January 13, 2007 @ 5:22 pm | Reply

  6. …cool

    Comment by Thotstimi — January 13, 2007 @ 5:41 pm | Reply

  7. Not to mention, but if the elevator is crowded the woman may have to squeeze past you to get out!

    Comment by g-dog — January 13, 2007 @ 10:51 pm | Reply

  8. now, this is an interesting post to read =)

    Comment by yuE — January 14, 2007 @ 9:36 am | Reply

  9. I utterly disagree with the original post. The art of being a gentleman falls in 2 camps of fellows: 1) Staunch believers in staying faithful (even visually) to their wife and 2) womanizers. We southern boys are taught the former at a very early age. So I “say thee nay”: Chivalry has existed for quite some time _and_in_some_places_it_still_does_.

    Alz

    P.S. Admittedly, after being raised by their Southern mothers, to “make women comfortable” some Southerners become womanizers after they become sexually active.

    Comment by Alzuun — January 14, 2007 @ 5:03 pm | Reply

  10. Ahhh, but the long coat may well disguise hidden treasures…and I beg to differ…I own and wear a long coat and leave it open JUST enough so the onlookers, womanizers or otherwise, can get just a glimpse of what lies beneath – 36 inches of good gams — which, by the way, go right up and make an ass out of themselves. The occasional polite person (male and female) still open doors, or at the very least, do not allow them to slam…and the bottom line is, I can open my own doors, rev up a chainsaw, change my oil and do that hummer thing with relative finessese.

    You’re a hoot for a mysogynist🙂

    Comment by wenchwit — January 14, 2007 @ 5:40 pm | Reply

  11. Did you know …?

    • In the Czech Republic, it is considered good manners for the man to enter a restaurant or bar before the woman does. This ostensibly keeps her from being eyeballed by the men inside, and allows the man to deal with clearing a path and finding a table.

    Or perhaps to make sure there are no landwalking tiger sharks?

    • In the Czech Republic, it is considered good manners for the man to enter a restaurant or bar before the woman does. This ostensibly keeps her from being eyeballed by the men inside, and allows the man to deal with clearing a path and finding a table.

    Or perhaps to make sure there are no landwalking tiger sharks?

    http://www.expats.cz/prague/article/czech-culture/sticking-to-the-rules/

    Comment by puddlejumper — January 14, 2007 @ 6:56 pm | Reply

  12. ewgh…I’ve no idea why that came out double. Please tell me you can see it in double also or else I REALLY have been drinking way too much!

    Comment by puddlejumper — January 14, 2007 @ 6:57 pm | Reply

  13. so true. that was good shit my man. keep on truckin’

    Comment by factorypeasant — January 15, 2007 @ 12:24 am | Reply

  14. I’m glad I have a nice ass. Little does the guy know, I probly got to look at his ass first! I’m a mom and pregnant though, people hold the door for me all the time. Is pregnant mom ass still as desirable to look at? Is it even better to look at an ass of a woman who’s holding a baby and has a pregnant belly? At least you know she puts out!!

    Comment by healthnag — January 16, 2007 @ 4:55 pm | Reply

  15. So I saw your pictures of Helm’s Deep gone confectionery. Then I see you have a post all about chivalry. And I read it and I laughed. And then I remembered times that other men have held the door for me. That triggered my gag reflex, and now I have to brush my teeth. Excellent post.

    Comment by jedtheavenger — January 18, 2007 @ 1:47 am | Reply

  16. to be perfectly honest i think that is quite hypocritical towards the female gender
    do we look like sex toys or eye candy ok you can look but not to the extent you have described this as iff we are just thee to be used???

    does anyone else agree??

    Comment by mrs. canavan — January 27, 2007 @ 5:12 pm | Reply

  17. Base.

    Comment by dean — November 25, 2007 @ 9:07 pm | Reply


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