Not so much a “Part Three” as it is a vignette, or a glimpse.
Last night I was leaving my office with my coworker, Carlos, and we shared the elevator with, guess who…
And was… guess what…
On his cell phone.
At this point I’m just assuming the guy has got the thing surgically grafted to his ear. Three out of three times I’ve seen him he’s been on it, so I think that’s a safe assumption to make. Carlos doesn’t know anything about the strange fantasies I’ve been concocting about this guy and his phone, so I’m standing there with my back pressed up against the back of the elevator trying my hardest not to laugh.
This time was a little different, however. Howard was on the phone, sure, but he wasn’t just “Yeah Yeah Yeah”-ing through a bout of telephony-aided pocket pool. This time he was the one talking! Sure, what he was saying might not have been very hot on the surface, but I was standing close enough to him to hear a Charlie Brown teacher-esque version of the voice on the other end.
To call the “Wah wah wah” that I heard “Sultry” would have been an understatement, that muted horn of a lady sounded down right In-Heat. In fact, from the distance where I was eavesdropping everything she said sounded like a moan. I spent all fifteen flights trying not to explode with laughter.
“So uhm… did you get the envelope that I had messenger over?”
“Wah waaaaaaah oooooooh”
“Mmm hmm, and it was alright?”
*Crackle* “Wooo wah wah mmmm.”
“It’d be perfect if I could get a copy with your revisions on my desk by noon tomorrow.”
“Sssss laaa laaa mmm big waaah wah.”
“Okay, talk tomorrow.”
I’ve gotta meet this mystery woman, she’s either the hottest thing since toasted bread or a paraplegic.