Miss(ed) Manners

October 17, 2006

Common NYC Misconception #1

Filed under: Announcements,Funny,Humor,Life,Misconceptions,New York,Ramblings,Random — missedmanners @ 10:10 am

Yes! Another budding series!

Alleys.

You know how in every movie that takes place in New York there’s a scene wherein someone gets trapped in an alley? The protagonist is just walking down the street, past a couple arguing in thick Brooklyn accents (that’s another misconception, but for another time) and he/she decides to take a shortcut through an alley. This alley by the way is always filled with steam pouring out of manhole covers. At some point during this walk a shadow appears in the steam and the person gets mugged, beat up, murdered – whatever.

There are absolutely NO alleyways in New York City.

Okay, maybe there are one or two. I think I may have seen one in Chinatown. Gay Street is kind of alley-ish, but that’s not really the mugging type of alley ifyaknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo. There are only streets in New York and even the smallest streets – which happen to be down here in the Financial District – are incredibly well lit at all times of the night.

Therefore it follows that there are NO chainlinked fences at the end of said non-existent alleys that you would need to scale to chase a fleeing criminal. There are numbered streets, hundreds of them in fact. So if you’re taking a shortcut anywhere above Houston Street you really deserve to be mugged in an alley because when dealing with a grid perfectly laid out proportions… there are NO shortcuts.

So, to sum up, if you find yourself staring down the barrel of a revolver in a dark and ominous alleyway, you’re not only a moron, but you’re not in New York. You could be in Detroit, I think they’ve got a lot of Alleys over there… and white rappers with hearts of gold and zombies I think. Yes. White Zombie Rappers with Hearts of Gold… that work in car factories.

3 Comments »

  1. thanks for the clear up on that…i’ll remember this if i ever end up going to new york…which is a major possibility these days…lol

    Comment by dragonsvamp — October 18, 2006 @ 5:23 am | Reply

  2. LMAO! Dave, you’re a genius. Having lived in Teaneck, you know I’ve spent considerable time in NYC and I couldn’t agree with you more. Saying there are alleys in the city is like saying you can really get lost. How can you get lost in a numbered grid? This was a delightful and amusing read.

    Comment by BluJewel — October 18, 2006 @ 11:18 am | Reply

  3. 😀 awe thanks guys.

    People need to know these things. As far as most people know or think, New York is a festering hell hole that Snake Plissken is constantly battling zombies in. Which is only partly true.

    Oooh Teaneck huh? My entire family is from Jersey a fact which is part of my upcoming theorum positing that NJ is the cradle of Western Civilization.

    Comment by missedmanners — October 18, 2006 @ 12:21 pm | Reply


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