Miss(ed) Manners

September 5, 2006

Things That Made Me Sore This Past Long Weekend

Filed under: Humor,Life,Personal,Upstate — missedmanners @ 3:00 pm

Just got back from a magnificent journey upstate to see my parents along with six of my friends and my lovely girlfriend, Eileen. We went to the Columbia County Fair to see the following: White Trash, Fried Dough and Sheep Balls, not neccesarily in that order.

Anyway, due to inclement weather and our over-appreciation for water-bottle bound booze we ended up getting a little silly and now I’m wicked sore, in some really weird places.

1) Bowling – Soreness Area: Arm and back.

Never go bowling with free Genny Beer and a bottle of vodka. Four hours of chucking a fifteen pound ball at a set of pins equals me not being able to brush my teeth because my arm has gone completely dead. I’ve been typing this with just my left hand and it’s taken all day to get this far.

2) The Change in Weather – Soreness Area: Face

Apparently summer now ends as soon as September begins which means I’ve got a ton of druids to beat up. Solstice my ass, it was 60 degrees and rainy all weekend and all of a sudden I’ve got a scratchy throat and a headache, wtf? I’m a little tired of all this talk about global warming and no results. I want icebergs floating down the Hudson River for my mid-November daquiris! Get on that, Big Oil.

3) Carnival Food – Soreness Area: Don’t Ask

Chocolate milk shake, pepperoni grinder (Extra Large), Coors Light (Extra Watery), Zeppoli, Blooming Onion, Funnel Cake, Cheese Fries and then rides called: The Fireball, Rock ‘n Roll Screamer, Gravitron, etc. You do the math.

4) Bungee Trampoline – Soreness Area: Crotchal Region

Okay, so at the Fair there was this ride. Well it wasn’t so much a ride as it was a collection of trampolines with bungee attachments above it that allowed you to bounce into the sky and do flips and shit. The Head Carnie in Charge (HCIC), warned me that as an adult male the tightness of the harness may cause me some discomfort. I scoffed at him, having gone rock climbing once or twice. Well as it turns out, he was right, about twenty seconds into my bounce-run the nylon straps started digging into my inner thigh and jamming up a couple pounds of flesh into my delicate regions. The resulting cinching effect on my pants made it look like I had severe elephantitis of the nutsackalicious area, which I guess was alright.

After about ten jumps total I started crying very lightly, asked to be let down and then limped away, bow-legged.

4 Comments »

  1. ouch…be more cautious next time man…

    Comment by dragonsvamp — September 5, 2006 @ 5:44 pm | Reply

  2. I don’t mean to, but I can’t help but laugh at some of the things you said; especially # 3 & 4. I’d asked what the hell where you thinking, but knowing that you were under the unfluence of liquid peer pressure, the question is already answered. Not to make light of what you endured, (though I’m still laughing), I’m reminded that the Id is alive and kicking our asses whenever he’s allowed to get lose and do his own thing. I think that’s what a lot of adults lack…the ability to simply let go and let lose. Too many are caught up in that , “I’m too old to be doing this/that” WTF? Sometimes you’ve just gotta throw caution to the wind and simply enjoy yourself, sore body, ass, or crotch!

    Comment by BluJewel — September 6, 2006 @ 7:02 am | Reply

  3. What, no deep-fried Snicker’s bar or deep-fried Twinkies?😉 People were lined up about 10 deep to get those at the Kentucky State Fair. (No, I just couldn’t bring myself to try one.) I hope you’re feeling less sore in all areas today!

    Comment by tiffanytaylor — September 6, 2006 @ 8:12 am | Reply


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