Miss(ed) Manners

November 7, 2006

Woo Hoo!

Filed under: Employment,Ramblings,Random,Tired,Work — missedmanners @ 2:07 pm

Another fall, another giant event successfully completed and I’m more spent than a wad of dollar bills at a strip club on two dollar lap dance night. For those of you who don’t know I’m an event planner. Myself and my small band of coworkers, bosses, volunteers and trained apes plan and execute large scale hospitality events for certain other large events.

With my fall busy season coming to a quick end I should be able to get back to being updated every day, which is a good thing, if only in terms of my fingers sorely needing to get back into shape. I have fat, chubby fingers right now. Like sausages filled with words.

I couldn’t be happier with how things went this year. First of all, I got put up in the most swank hotel room I’ve ever had in all of my five years of doing this. Central Park South, 36th floor. As I was getting up every morning before sunrise to get ready, this was the view that greeted me:

 hotel-image.jpg

So um, yeah, that was nice.

Like I just said a few times, things went really well this year. Well enough that there are no lawsuits pending, no injuries being treated and no contracts under revision. As anyone who’s in this business can tell you, that’s huge. The thing about throwing large events is that no matter how much meticulous planning you do, you’re ultimately at the mercy of fate and coincidence when it comes to how the event will actually run.

You may have spent hours carefully planning out a time line, job assignments and delivery checklists but when the time comes the only thing you can count on is that something will inevitably go horribly wrong. There are always issues, fires, things missing or boxes falling on people, etc.

That’s all I really wanted to say today, which can be summed up in the following sentence: I slept in a swank fucking hotel all weekend, worked from 6am to 12 midnight every day, soon I will have thin fingers.

September 14, 2006

Working Stiffed

Filed under: Criminal Behavior,Employment,Humor,Life,Ramblings — missedmanners @ 6:14 pm

“I agree to be deemed acceptable for employment based on character, general reputation, personal characteristics and mode of living, discerned through employment and education verification, personal references, personal interviews; my personal credit history based on report from any credit bureau.

“I also authorize you to obtain any and all information from my bank accounts, credit card accounts, stock accounts, investment accounts; my driving history, including any traffic citations, a social security number verification; present and former addresses; criminal and civil history; drug screening (hair and/or urine (5 and/0r 10 panel)) any other public record.”

This is just an excerpt of the paper work my girlfriend had to sign and agree to today when she accepted a position with another company. We’re both super stoked that she got this new job considering her old job was with a flatulent, pompous windbag who talked down to her and generally made her life miserable. Her new job is with younger, nicer, smarter people and pays a hell of a lot more. Cheers to you babe.

Anyway, doesn’t that sound a little draconian? Apparently it’s not, especially when dealing with a large corporation or any financial services firm. All in all it just further reinforces my commitment to never working in a company with more than 10 or 20 people. Why? You may ask, well here’s how my pre-employment evaluation would look:

Applicant Name: David C.

Applicant Evaluation:

Character: Lethargic

General Reputation: Lascivious

Mode of Living: Slovenly

Employment: Breaking even

Education: Sporadic and uninspired

Personal References: Former girlfriends given as references would not corroborate applicant’s claims to good nature or giving bedside manner.

Personal Interview: Applicant wore white socks with a suit.

Credit Score: 32

Bank Account: Overdrawn

Credit Cards: Maxed

Stock Portfolio: Ten shares of IBM bought in 1984, applicant is unaware of their existence.

Driving History: Applicant filled out riveting accounts of the two times he has fled from the authorities in a vehicle.

Criminal History: Refused to answer, began fidgeting nervously and explaining fifth amendment before sprinting out of room, tackling mail-room worker and fleeing the building.

Drug Test: Hair: Applicant claimed to have rubbed his head on homeless junkies for a week as a post graduate thesis still in development.

Really now, do you need to know this much about the people you work with? What the fuck are you supposed to talk about when network TV goes back to re-runs?

The Rubric Theme. Blog at WordPress.com.

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